A new drinking game you say? I'm intrigued...

(This sign is always sold out in Salt Lake City.)

I've been doing a lot of drinking lately. I'm not trying to brag, just stating a fact and setting the stage (a little introduction mixed with some rising action, if you will). You drink a lot, you play a lot of drinking games. It's science.

Sure you can drink to everything, but once you do it once or twice, it kind of loses its luster. So I set out to start my own drinking game, but ran into a wall (here's the foreshadowing).

What is there to drink to that hasn't already been done? Lost? Did it. Little League baseball? Obviously. Fishing? Yep. American Idol? I don't watch, but I'm pretty sure I can figure something out pretty quickly. The preview channel? Affirmative. There's drinking games for everything...even an annual sports column.

What drinking game could I invent?? Nothing was coming to me until an idea hit me like a sudden urge to ethnically cleanse Disney World.

The Drinking Game Drinking Game.

Yes, that's right. The Drinking Game Drinking Game. The drinking game where you drink to your drinking game.

Here's how you play (house rules apply):

• Someone wants to play 'flippy cup', drink six. It's Flip Cup, twatbag. And it's capitalized per the AP Stylebook.
• Some asshole starts the thumb rule, drink 12. Feel free to eat my shit if you're one of those douches that feels the need to start the thumb rule.
• A girl complains about how drunk she's getting (when you know she's not even putting half a sip in her cup), make her drink eight that you pour.
• Frat Boy McFratboyerson asks for another 'brewski' or 'proposes a rhody' (road soda) before leaving and isn't making a joke, everyone make fun of his popped collar and freshly-pressed long-sleeve dress shirt in the summer and drink five.
• (optional) Whenever someone finishes a beer, you chug a beer. This only works if you want to play this game for about 36 minutes.
• Someone wants to play beer pong and not flip cup, punch them in the penis (or vulva), then drink two.
• Someone suggests a Drinking Game Drinking Game Drinking Game, tell them they just blew your fucking mind, pop in your The Wall dvd, and casually contemplate the intricacies of string cheese for the next six hours.
• and so on...you get the idea.

The Drinking Game Drinking Game. It's fun for the whole family!