Can OJ save Michael Vick?

I like Michael Vick (he will never be Mike Vick on this blog). True story.

So when the news of his indictment came down, the ol' brain gears started to turn. How can I get the electrifying quarterback with a penchant for murdering pussy dogs that can't win a fight off (in the legal sense you sick bastards)?

I'm not a lawyer. I know nothing about the law. I'm fairly certain I break the law upwards of 25 times a day. So what can I do to save a superstar athlete from these overblown (aka not overblown) charges with absolutely no (aka indisputable) evidence?

Then it came to me...

If the dog didn't bit, you must acquit.

If the pit bull didn't make a sound, Michael Vick shouldn't go to the people pound.

If the chihuahua didn't cry, don't make Michael Vick play on the proverbial football field in the sky.

If the dog graves are basically covered, let Michael Vick play a game in front of his mother.

Yes, that's right...the Cochran defense! Inane, semi-clever sentences that kind of rhyme and only sort of make sense. We'll have Michael Vick leading the Falcons to an 8-8 record in no time! I'll give Michael a call, you guys tell Joey Harrington not to bother lifting and getting ready for the season. The Vickster will be whizzing bullets off of receiver's hands by the second week of training camp.

But in case that doesn't work....what the hell has Furman been up to the last few months?

(editor's note: I feel like I should clarify...I like Michael Vick as a football player. As a person, allegedly....not so much)