They can take our jobs, but they'll never take...our freedom!

One of the biggest complaints about blogs is the lack of accountability. We can sit here in our mom's basement (which happens to be quite nice, by the way) and blog to our heart's content without having to worry about Andres Sandoval or whoever the public enemy of the day is calling us out/punching us in our smug faces.

To stem that argument, some of the Blogfathers ("The Big Lead" and recently fired for blogging/drinking/writing for real at the Washington Post "Christmas Ape"....me still no smirre over that last one) have joined their already (self) outed brethren at Deadspin, AOL Fanhouse, With Leather and more.

So we're hear to set the record straight to our readers, the players, coaches and media in Dayton. We owe you that much.

This is me:

or rather an artist's rendering of me, Nate Griffin.

Now that slavery has been abolished, I no longer have to worry about my employer finding out about my side job.

You see, I used to belong to the Pewtershmidt family where I worked as their stable boy and slave. When I wasn't slaving, I was blogging for Flyers Fieldhouse, peeing in my slavemaster's cereal every day and having sex with his wife and sister.*

I started to take an interest in Flyers basketball about 10 years ago and have been hooked ever since. Sure you might have seen my bloggings about being a tall white guy who's kind of slow and can almost dunk but probably never will.

That was just a front, you see. I was playing the "acceptable negro". The Carlton Banks to the Will Smith. The Wayne Brady to the Bryant Gumbel. The Stuart Scott to the Stephen A. Smith. Did you really want to hear about my life spent in slavery before I began "movin' on up" to that deluxe apartment in Campus South? You sure don't. I've seen the ratings for The Wire.

God it feels so good to finally get this off my chest. It's felt like the weight of 1,000 suns (or two Desmond Adeijei's) has been on my back. The weight has been lifted and I can get back to living my life.

No longer will I have to write facts about public figures in a (hopefully) semi-humorous way about a group of people that for the most part probably don't have the same sense of humor as I do. I have accountability now.

Now I can censor my facts and opinions based on facts to cater to a group of people I've (mostly) never met nor care if I ever meet. I can put out glorified press releases, box score-like game stories and puff pieces that give absolutely no new news about anything. I can sit around waiting for a bunch of dudes to put some pants on so I can ask them some boilerplate question to which they'll give me an even boilerplatier answer. To top it all off, I can get paid like a Mexican immigrant!

No longer will I be forced to live the life of Ann Frank, huddled in the corner of my cubicle, furiously typing away on my specially-purchased keyboard with silencing option, hoping my boss doesn't walk by.

You've been right all along sports journalists. This is great. Especially for me, Nate Griffin.**

Don't think I forgot about you, people that care about the Flyers and not opinions on the mainstream media.

Here are a couple of fun facts about some players that you might not know (and I didn't make them up):***

• Jimmy Binnie ranked 18th in the Atlantic 10 in assist to turnover ratio.
• Brian Roberts was 9th in the A-10 in assists, but 8th in turnovers. He was 59th in the nation in ppg.
• London Warren was 16th in the conference in steals, but 21st in turnovers.
• Chris(t) Wright was 1st in the nation in turning water into wine, but last in the nation in times died (the lower the number the better...like golf).
• Kurt Huelsman ranked 4th in "intangibles", which I just made tangible by ranking them.
• Marcus Johson was 7th in free throw rate.
• Charles Little was 1st in number of nicknames given because of a fake character in South Park that was dreamed up by a fake Al Gore.
• Stephen Thomas was 3rd in not being a player but crushing a lot.

*I stole this from Wikipedia, who summarized a Family Guy episode. See how this "citing sources" thing works Chick?

**Not a slight on Dayton media, per se. Just a general observation of the mainstream media's unwillingness to adapt to a growing medium.

***I took them from statsheet.com. Are we getting this yet CL?